Dear God,
Hope this letter finds you in the best of your spirits .How are you doing ?
I am doing great here. As your chief messenger, I am writing to you to bring to your notice a couple of things that have been troubling me in recent times. A lot of squabling is occuring down here on earth because of the different books that the publishing units in heaven are constantly manufacturing. You have by now sent so many books on the 'ways to live' that my team and I are having a hard time trying to agree with each other.
While one of your books talks about rebirth,another says that there is only one life.I must tell you that this has caused an unnecessay difference of opinion between me and my wife. She does not let me kill mosquitoes ( which by the way are one of the most annoying forms of life you have managed to create) as she believes that i will be reborn as one and suffer similar consequences. I,on the other hand agree with the book on 'one life' and hence want to have the pleasure of relieving myself of the pain caused by these monstrous mosquitoes.And it is not my family alone that is subjecting itself to such events. Caveman 2 , who was otherwise happy with his 2 wives is now all set to take 4 more wives .He is deeply moved by yet another book of yours and wants to follow it to the tee.This has irritated Caveman 3 and Caveman 4 who firmly believe in 'one woman for one man' concept. Now all the three cavemen verbally abuse each other and pelt stones at random cavemen to vent out their frustration.
Every morning at least three cavemen come to me and talk about who they think is the
“True God”.They have now started new rituals to differentiate themselves from each other.Caveman 3 has a weakness for bananas so caveman 5 has declared that his book bans people from eating Bananas. He now forces his children to refrain from eating bananas and has made “apple” a holy fruit .
Seeing this Caveman 3 has declared that his book talks about the goodness of bananas and the evil nature of apples.His family is on a strict banana diet .His wife says that the entire family is now suffering from diarrhoea but this has not affected caveman 3's decision to eat nothing but bananas.
While all this is happening, Caveman 6 , who was widely appreciated by the council of cavemen a few months ago for his discovery of fire has declared that he does not agree with any of the books sent by the ministry of heaven.In fact he says, he does not think you exist.The council of cavemen now wants him to be beheaded, the only problem being that it is Caveman 6 who has been working on coming up with sharp tools to kill animals.He has slowed doen his research work and hence the council cannot behead him without a proper tool.
Please do not get me wrong here but why are you sending out so may books.The syllabus is just too much.Is it not enough that we have to live in these really scary jungles of yours and keep inventing stuff so that the future generations can have substantial history syllabus for classes I to 5 ??
It is still ok now.Apart from the casualities caused due to hungry lions,frustrated serpants and a few unknown diseases, we do not really have other causes for death. However, I fear the day when Caveman 6 will finally end up discovering a sharp tool. I fear that these cavemen will kill each other over these books.
Between the two of us, I know how hard you worked to make 'man' .Do you really want all your hardwork to go in vain because of a few books ?
Do think about it.
Write to me whenever you find time.I know you are busy. I heard from some heaven dwellers that you plan to have something called “civilizations “ coming up soon.
All the best for that.
Lots of love,
Caveman I (Promoted from the designation of Early man I recently)
....
....
.....
Dear Caveman I,
First of all , Congratulations on your promotion. I am glad that you are doing well on earth. I am doing fine here. Just a tad bit busy with planning civilizations etc.
With regards to the books you were talking about, I am sure there is some confusion somewhere.I sent out only one message- A sentence to be precise .
Of course I had it sent to the PR agency before release. Idea was to have a wider reach.Will look into it immediately.Dont worry , everything will get sorted out.Just send me the name of the publishing unit that is sending these books to you.
By the way, the only message that I had sent was-
“Do good and be good “.
Do let the other cavemen know about this.
Love,
God
Heaven- second street, First Avenue.
.....
......
......
This letter from God never reached Caveman I. The publishing unit probably smelled a rat and bribed the postman.God was too busy with planning for tomorrow and Caveman I was too busy with his day to day problems...
life ... and death ....continued.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Why are you a "Family" ?
On a fateful Wednesday , I let my feet venture into the city's newly built multiplex to catch up with Mr Karan Johar through his star studded movie- “We are Family”.
I am not a huge fan of Karan Johar but have always expected his movies to tickle a funny bone here and there and entertain me with catchy music if not a tight screenplay.
However , this one movie has made me doubt Karan Johar's taste for cinema for life.
“We are Family”is apparently a shot by shot remake of a hollywood flick “Step Mom”. The cast of the original movie is sure to suffer a massive stroke if subjected to the trauma of watching the Hindi Version.
As it is with other Kjo's movies , this story also takes you to America/London (I don't recollect now). We have a bunch of wannabe american-desis and their only connect with India is the fact that they speak in Hindi.
Kajol plays the role of a divorced wife who is content and happy with her 3 children until cervical cancer knocks the door and saps the life out of her. Kareena Kapoor is a career woman as she repeatedly tells the audience lest they get confused as she seems to stay home or appear jobless most of the time.
Arjun Ramgopal is either into the advertising industry or has a Kodak showroom in America. His occupation is not very clear but since he is spotted with a camera in most of the scenes , he must be into one of these professions.
Arjun and Kajol have 3 mentally deranged kids , though the writer would like you to believe otherwise. Their eldest daughter Alaya is supposedly 13. Alaya manages to exhibit the intelligence of a 4 year old while disturbingly look at least 25. The youngest daughter Anjali is probably 5 years old. The only training in acting that she has is to either smile aimlessly or cry to no avail. The second son is not important to the story.In fact a lot of screen space and time could have been saved if the makers of the cinema had realised that the kid had no acting talent in him and would have been better off attending school instead.
Arjun and Kajol are a happily divorced couple until Arjun brings his love interest Kareena to meet his family.As it is with 99 out of 100 movies , the kids hate Kareena in the beggining and then start liking her. In the meantime Kajol discovers that she has been let down by her body and that her days are numbered. She decides to train "Kareena the career woman" into "Kareena the Mom". The story revolves around this training , random incidents and such other useless arguments ensconced by needless crying ,mindless happy moments and bizzare outcomes.( It is difficut to write the synopsis of a story-less- story).
There must have been a story in the beginning .Otherwise it is difficult for the film to survive given the wrong cues ,reactions and dialogues the cast continues to subject each other to.
For example , Kajol with great discomfort , announces to her children that she is suffering from cervical cancer and that her days are numbered.
While the audience prepares itself to watch an emotionally heart wrenching spectacle , The eldest daughter Alya challenges the audiences intelligence by calling her mother a LIAR. At this point one's basic beliefs about humanity are shaken from the root. If this were not enough , this cretin explains the basis of her allegation. She reminds her mother that just a few scenes back her mother had promised that she would never leave her and now she had the audacity to announce that she had cancer and that she was dying,
The creative hand behind this dialouge is requested to refrain from writing anything after this for the rest of his/her/its life .
A scene or two after this , one finds Alaya dancing at a pub. When caught by her mother for this offence , she manages to justify her stand by saying that her mother shouldnt bother as she was leaving them anyway.
At this point one wonders as to what Karan Johar was thinking when he let this film hit the screens.
.
Arjun,Kajol and Kareena come across as sincere actors who have been betrayed by miserable direction and imbecile dialogues.Kajol deserves an award for crying evry now and then and reacting to her reaction less children .Arjun Ramgopal deserves a standing ovation for looking clueless throughout the movie and finally Karan Johar requires medical help before he invests in his next movie.
We are family – Stupidity Redefined.
I am not a huge fan of Karan Johar but have always expected his movies to tickle a funny bone here and there and entertain me with catchy music if not a tight screenplay.
However , this one movie has made me doubt Karan Johar's taste for cinema for life.
“We are Family”is apparently a shot by shot remake of a hollywood flick “Step Mom”. The cast of the original movie is sure to suffer a massive stroke if subjected to the trauma of watching the Hindi Version.
As it is with other Kjo's movies , this story also takes you to America/London (I don't recollect now). We have a bunch of wannabe american-desis and their only connect with India is the fact that they speak in Hindi.
Kajol plays the role of a divorced wife who is content and happy with her 3 children until cervical cancer knocks the door and saps the life out of her. Kareena Kapoor is a career woman as she repeatedly tells the audience lest they get confused as she seems to stay home or appear jobless most of the time.
Arjun Ramgopal is either into the advertising industry or has a Kodak showroom in America. His occupation is not very clear but since he is spotted with a camera in most of the scenes , he must be into one of these professions.
Arjun and Kajol have 3 mentally deranged kids , though the writer would like you to believe otherwise. Their eldest daughter Alaya is supposedly 13. Alaya manages to exhibit the intelligence of a 4 year old while disturbingly look at least 25. The youngest daughter Anjali is probably 5 years old. The only training in acting that she has is to either smile aimlessly or cry to no avail. The second son is not important to the story.In fact a lot of screen space and time could have been saved if the makers of the cinema had realised that the kid had no acting talent in him and would have been better off attending school instead.
Arjun and Kajol are a happily divorced couple until Arjun brings his love interest Kareena to meet his family.As it is with 99 out of 100 movies , the kids hate Kareena in the beggining and then start liking her. In the meantime Kajol discovers that she has been let down by her body and that her days are numbered. She decides to train "Kareena the career woman" into "Kareena the Mom". The story revolves around this training , random incidents and such other useless arguments ensconced by needless crying ,mindless happy moments and bizzare outcomes.( It is difficut to write the synopsis of a story-less- story).
There must have been a story in the beginning .Otherwise it is difficult for the film to survive given the wrong cues ,reactions and dialogues the cast continues to subject each other to.
For example , Kajol with great discomfort , announces to her children that she is suffering from cervical cancer and that her days are numbered.
While the audience prepares itself to watch an emotionally heart wrenching spectacle , The eldest daughter Alya challenges the audiences intelligence by calling her mother a LIAR. At this point one's basic beliefs about humanity are shaken from the root. If this were not enough , this cretin explains the basis of her allegation. She reminds her mother that just a few scenes back her mother had promised that she would never leave her and now she had the audacity to announce that she had cancer and that she was dying,
The creative hand behind this dialouge is requested to refrain from writing anything after this for the rest of his/her/its life .
A scene or two after this , one finds Alaya dancing at a pub. When caught by her mother for this offence , she manages to justify her stand by saying that her mother shouldnt bother as she was leaving them anyway.
At this point one wonders as to what Karan Johar was thinking when he let this film hit the screens.
.
Arjun,Kajol and Kareena come across as sincere actors who have been betrayed by miserable direction and imbecile dialogues.Kajol deserves an award for crying evry now and then and reacting to her reaction less children .Arjun Ramgopal deserves a standing ovation for looking clueless throughout the movie and finally Karan Johar requires medical help before he invests in his next movie.
We are family – Stupidity Redefined.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
GRRRRR!!!!!
A cup of tea at Inox sells at Rs 45.
I am shocked by this open burgalary. I understand that Inox is supposedly a place that gives me the ambience and they need to maintain the place well for us. We certainly undrestand that we need to pay a little extra to enjoy it all. But Paying 45 rupees for the same cup of tea which the pottikadai cheta demands 3 rupees for is ridiculous.
If this is not enough they sell these " potato wedges". They cut half a potato into 6 slices and fry them with salt and give it to you with sauce. These utterly useless pieces of potato come at Rs 69 a plate.
Whats more ?
The WHOLE population is happily paying this price and buying it.
Someone needs to help me here.
Arent we here to watch a movie and have some snacks while doing so ?
If the city is brimming with soooooooooo many people who are willing to spend sooooooooooo much on eating then we need to certainly alert the IT department and ask them to forcefully transfer these people's money to NGO's.
How dumb can the citizens really get ????
I am shocked by this open burgalary. I understand that Inox is supposedly a place that gives me the ambience and they need to maintain the place well for us. We certainly undrestand that we need to pay a little extra to enjoy it all. But Paying 45 rupees for the same cup of tea which the pottikadai cheta demands 3 rupees for is ridiculous.
If this is not enough they sell these " potato wedges". They cut half a potato into 6 slices and fry them with salt and give it to you with sauce. These utterly useless pieces of potato come at Rs 69 a plate.
Whats more ?
The WHOLE population is happily paying this price and buying it.
Someone needs to help me here.
Arent we here to watch a movie and have some snacks while doing so ?
If the city is brimming with soooooooooo many people who are willing to spend sooooooooooo much on eating then we need to certainly alert the IT department and ask them to forcefully transfer these people's money to NGO's.
How dumb can the citizens really get ????
Friday, March 19, 2010
A Wish
Take away my money
Take away the new gold ring I bought myself.
Here take this...my expensive wrist watch.
Take away all you want....
Just give me back my childhood.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Shaadi Ka Laddoo
I got married recently.
Being married feels nice. For some reason , the random population around tends to give you enormous respect. Respect that was so unjustly denied to you when you went around rallying for human rights or donated blood in some shady camp or for that matter when you raised funds worth a fortune for a bizzare event that your college was supposed to host, single-handedly.
Now, you just need to sport a Mangalsootra and anyone with ears is willing to take your advice. I surely am enjoying this sudden importance given to the words that I manage to manufacture in my cranium which has for long,longed for such irrational adulation.
Then there are these parties that you get to attend. Free food, nodding heads and expensive gifts .......all because you are married and it is nice to give you something free when you have just tied the knot.
These parties also include some elderly gentleman discussing his days with you. He is often kind enough to warn you of what mistakes you are bound to make as a newly wed couple.
You also get to brush up your literature as there certainly will be at least 5 quotable quotes that would be shared with you during such meets. Most will talk about marriage and the stupidity associated with it. Some emotional individuals tend to quote tear jerking quotes about the importance of Love.
It is important for you to attend at least 108 such parties . It is important that you and your partner get healthy food now and then as your personal cooking is going to be disastrous for the first few months and it is not always nice to eat burnt food.Also, you need to listen to all that is being told as at some point in the future you will be playing hosts to some random couples.
There is so much more....But one's creativity tends to run at all time low after marriage and hence one might not be able to express everything in one blog entry at 3.04 PM in the middle of wondering what to wear for the party this evening.
So thats that for now..
Jai Hind :)
Being married feels nice. For some reason , the random population around tends to give you enormous respect. Respect that was so unjustly denied to you when you went around rallying for human rights or donated blood in some shady camp or for that matter when you raised funds worth a fortune for a bizzare event that your college was supposed to host, single-handedly.
Now, you just need to sport a Mangalsootra and anyone with ears is willing to take your advice. I surely am enjoying this sudden importance given to the words that I manage to manufacture in my cranium which has for long,longed for such irrational adulation.
Then there are these parties that you get to attend. Free food, nodding heads and expensive gifts .......all because you are married and it is nice to give you something free when you have just tied the knot.
These parties also include some elderly gentleman discussing his days with you. He is often kind enough to warn you of what mistakes you are bound to make as a newly wed couple.
You also get to brush up your literature as there certainly will be at least 5 quotable quotes that would be shared with you during such meets. Most will talk about marriage and the stupidity associated with it. Some emotional individuals tend to quote tear jerking quotes about the importance of Love.
It is important for you to attend at least 108 such parties . It is important that you and your partner get healthy food now and then as your personal cooking is going to be disastrous for the first few months and it is not always nice to eat burnt food.Also, you need to listen to all that is being told as at some point in the future you will be playing hosts to some random couples.
There is so much more....But one's creativity tends to run at all time low after marriage and hence one might not be able to express everything in one blog entry at 3.04 PM in the middle of wondering what to wear for the party this evening.
So thats that for now..
Jai Hind :)
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